Let’s talk intimacy. No, I don’t mean in the bedroom, although intimacy affects what takes place in the bedroom. I’ve been quite convicted lately over intimacy. Webster’s Dictionary defines intimacy as “the state of being intimate; familiarity” or “something of personal or private nature”. I feel like in the age of technology that we live in and the instant connection with people around the world we have never been more disconnected. When is the last time you sat and had coffee with a friend and left your phone in the car? When is the last time you went on a date with your husband and didn’t end up on your phone? When is the last time you spent time with your family and didn’t have e-mails to check, news to ready, or shops to browse online? When was the last time you had a night home with your family and didn’t spend it “connecting” with everything else instead of your own family? I know I’m guilty.
I had the pleasure of spending last weekend with two of my best girlfriends. We have been friends for over 20 years. We don’t live close and have different interests. We are terrible phone friends. We rarely text, avoid the awkward phone calls, and maybe see each other once a year if we are lucky. We have all gone on to be successful and start our own families, but when we get together it’s like we pick up right where we left off. Do you know why? It is because we have shared life together. We have been personal with each other. Intimacy. We have shared in each others greatest joys and deepest sorrows. We have shared life’s victories and even defeats. We have laughed until we cried and cried until we laughed. We have made an investment in each other’s lives.
This type of intimacy is what so many relationships miss out on these days. We are too busy “connecting” with the people around us that we forget to get personal and truly build relationships. The problem is we are too scared to be vulnerable. We do it with our own families. If I share my weakness they may use it to hurt me later on. You are absolutely correct. I have shared some of my struggles and fears with people who turned around and used it against me, but if I never shared I wouldn’t have the friendships I do now.
This same intimacy must be shared with your spouse. Sit down with your spouse. No phones, no computers, no distractions. Ask the deep questions and answer them honestly. Remember when you first started dating and you asked all the questions trying to get to know each other? You had to learn that person. You shared your dreams and desires for life. You shared your goals and future plans. Do it again. Life happens. Plans change. Get to know each other again in a personal intimate way. This type of intimacy is what God intended for us to have. Not only intimacy with Him, but He said it was not good for man to be alone so He put him to sleep and created Eve. God desires fellowship for us. God desires community for us. God desires intimacy for us.