Here we are again. It usually doesn’t come so quickly, but given the circumstances I need to write.
We lost my grandmother yesterday. I feel strange. Part of me is sad. Part of me is relieved. Grief is so strange. Sometimes it is grieving something that you lost that you don’t know how you will ever live without. It is painful to know you can’t hear their voice on the other end of the phone, or hug their neck again this side of heaven.
I feel grief, but in a strange way. I don’t grieve for what I lost. I grieve for what my grandmother missed out on. I am sad for the years she gave up raising her children. I am sad for the time she missed out on witnessing her grandchildren and great grand children grow up. I am sad for the guilt that she felt and the forgiveness she never fully accepted from the people that offered it.
Life is strange. Some of the people around you are those you have chosen to surround yourselves with. Others it is simply genetics and divine intervention that placed them in your life. How you choose to grow and develop those relationships is up to you.
I am thankful for my mom. I have now watched her offer full forgiveness to first her father and then her mother. I don’t want to go into full details, because some people experienced things differently but mental, verbal, and emotional abuse are real and are detrimental. I remember a time where phone calls couldn’t even be made out of protection for mental and emotional health. However, I watched as my mother made countless trips driving to take care of her father. I have now watched her sacrifice to make trips to Florida (those aren’t cheap) in order to help clean, check on, and take care of her mother. I witnessed her during this crazy pandemic try and see her mother while Covid kept her mother in the hospital alone. I took phone calls that said, “well she is mad at me again, but I’m not sure what I did this time.” My mom is one of the strongest people I know.
Life is short. Don’t live with regrets. Offer forgiveness and also learn to accept it. Make sure that you know Jesus. Spend time with the people you love. Learn to let go of the toxic people in your life, but never give up on your family. Learn what is worth fighting over and what is worth fighting for. Nothing lasts forever. Hug the people you love. Offer grace. Learn to let things go. After all, we only get this life for a short time and it goes so fast.
I am sad, but I also breathe a sigh of relief.
